Candi Cares

Encouragement, motivation, discussions on health & wellness, financial advice and love. All packaged in a nice little blog and sent from me to you.

Be your own best friend

The Most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. ~Carl Gustav Jung

I have learned many things the past 10,000 times I’ve attempted to get healthy.  But perhaps the most important lesson I have taken with me is that in order to make any change in your life, you have to get to the point that you treat yourself like you would treat your best friend…. with love, kindness, forgiveness, sometimes  a kick in the butt, but always with respect.

In the past, I found it much easier to be kinder and gentler with others and not so much with myself.

For example, when I used to make a mistake, or when I didn’t do something that I knew I should’ve done (like exercise or eat right,) it was the end of the world.  I used to call myself stupid and lazy and incompetent.  “I’ll never get it together because I have no self control! What is wrong with me?!?!” was how my internal dialogue sounded.

And the more I beat myself up, the worse I felt.  And the worse I felt, the more I did non-healthy things as “punishment” for not getting it together.  It’s a vicious cycle.

That all changed when I had a conversation with a friend of mine who heard me talking about myself negatively.  She cringed when I told her that I was “fat and lazy” and could never do anything right.  “Well that’s your problem,” she said.  “You probably wouldn’t have the guts to say what you say about yourself to your worst enemy!  Stop being so mean to you! ”

I was shocked by her comments.  I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks.  She was right.  I was mean to me.  And it had to stop.

Since that eye opening moment, I have made a conscious effort to find ways to be nice to myself and more gentle with myself.  When I make mistakes, instead of telling myself how horrible I am for not having self control, I replace that internal dialogue with “You can make a better choice from now on.  You can do this.  You are more than capable.”

And you know what?  You actually start believing what you tell yourself.  I feel stronger and happier when I’m nicer to me.

Listen folks, we all have issues.  We all have things that we like or don’t like about ourselves.  My issue is my weight.  I don’t like that I’ve allowed myself to get overweight, out of shape and unhealthy.  But you know what?  That doesn’t mean that I can’t still love myself completely right now. I’m not saying that I have to stay overweight and unhealthy.  I’m just saying that  I don’t have to wait until I’m in “healthy land” to finally feel like I’m a worthwhile human being.  I’m worthwhile right NOW!  This very instant.

And now that I am walking in this truth, it is easier for me to continue my healthy lifestyle.  Why?? Because I love myself.  Because I feel worth the extra effort to cook meals at home and exercise.  I feel deserving of all of the good things this life has to offer.

Come out of the darkness and viciously negative cycle of self-hate.  It does nobody, especially yourself, any good.

And even if you can only find one good thing to say about yourself, then repeat that one thing every time you begin to think negatively about you.  My thing is my smile. I think I have a beautiful smile and a great attitude.  As I started reminding myself of just these two things, I suddenly started to find other things to add to the list.  And I was on my way.

God made no mistakes when he created you.  You were fearfully and wonderfully made.  Don’t disrespect yourself by feeding yourself negativity that tells you differently.


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4 thoughts on “Be your own best friend

  1. Great words of wisdom! We are always telling everyone else that they can do it when they mistakes, but it is time to give that encouragement to ourselves. Don’t make excuses, but do not allow mistakes to stunt your growth.

  2. I love your last sentence. True words to live by!

  3. Your post reminds me of a quote I came across some time ago…”If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?”

    A great reminder to love yourself and to surround yourself with positive energy and people!

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